These are the dangers of prop comedy. Just say no.
January 19th, 2012:
All Scrabble tiles now “Z”
All fonts now comic sans.
All comics now prop.
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These y'all streets.
January 18th, 2012:
Occupy Wall Street occupies all streets.
Occupy Mall Street mauls all occupies.
Occupy Y’all Street y’alls all malls.
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Seriously?
January 17th, 2012:
Faceless woman hands out faces of women.
Hyper-reality superseded by absolute reality.
Sauron buys everyone chicken wings.
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If you want to write an apocalypse calendar date, send me an email:
jason@jasonrhart.com
Today’s apocalypse calendar written by Ms. Lauryl Sulfate.
Well, fuck a duck.
January 16th, 2012:
Kraft/Nabisco and Monsanto merge to form Nabiskranto.
Nabiskranto merges with KeeblAgra and General Cargmill to form General Keebiskrantagrantomills.
Criterion Collection edition of Howard the Duck released.
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If you want to write an apocalypse calendar date, send me an email:
jason@jasonrhart.com
You got some funny white splotches on your flaming hockey puck there, eh?
Canada and Mexico switch places. Everyone moves to Canada.
Canada now the world’s only superpower. Peace and prosperity cover the globe like maple syrup. Most people have heard of hockey.
Canada and Mexico switch back. Everyone moves out of Canada.
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Did you hear they made up? Maybe the least important news of all time.
George W. Bush and Kanye West switch brains. No one much notices.
A butterfly in South America flaps its wings, starting a wind that annoys several caterpillars and a gnat before settling down.
A madman seizes a nuclear weapon, demands blueberry pancakes.
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One Ringwald to find them, and in the darkness bind them.
Penguins get jetpacks.
Sauron and Molly Ringwald wed.
Everybody gets free breakfast, courtesy of Sauron and the Ringwalds! Penguins with jet packs fly everywhere! Hooray!
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Those people have great musculature considering the low gravity and lack of oxygen.
Holiday: Martian Apocalypse Quadrennial!
Four hundred years ago the people of Mars lived in great cities floating on canals of hydrogen. They cared not for the rest of space, and treated not with the Centurian empire at its core. Instead, they flocked to palaces spun of Martian gold and held extravagant zero-gravity balls in the night.
The the apocalypse came. The vultures, down from the sky. The steel walkers. The new diseases. The Centurians. January 11th, 1612.
Only one Martian walks among us now, last of a dead race, and he is now our saviour. He goes by many names, but you will know him as T’Klar.
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My parents got me a Yakoff Smirnoff book for Xmas this one time. It was pretty awesome.
Simpsons cancelled. A man dressed as Kusty the Klown burns himself to death on the freeway. Simpsons un-cancelled. Ratings continue to slump.
Sauron born.
In Soviet Russia, remote controls control you.
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Photo taken before talent arrived.
Great Danes get talons.
Dachshunds get taller.
Dane Cook gets talent.
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