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May Day Website Launched!

May Day

The website for my new musical May Day has launched! Check it out today!

Fill That Page

New song, 3/8/2011:

Fill That Page

Got my hermit permit
got my keyboard stance
got my pen and paper
got my great big chance

got my rhythm method
got to fight stage fright
got my big deadline
got my show to write

So suck it, everything else
Just me and words in the world
Just pen to the paper now
and filling the page
the great blank page

fill that page
write that show
fill that great blank page
fill that great blank page

got my courier new
got my size twelve font
got my capslock lyrics
got my own “I want”

got my lonely days
got more sleepless nights
got my carpal tunnel
got my name in lights

So suck it, everything else
Only music and me in the world
Just fingers on keyboard now
and filling the stage
the great blank stage

fill that stage
make that show
fill that great blank stage
fill that great blank stage

Berny’s Saga

Here’s a song I wrote awhile ago about Bernard Madoff.

These dudes are in it too.

BERNY’S SAGA
Lyrics Jason Hart
Music Ok Kyun Kang

CHARACTERS

LAWYER The prosecuting attorney
J. EZRA MERKIN, People who had their money stolen by Madoff in his scams
KEVIN BACON,
KYRA SEDGEWICK

SETTING

A court room. Bernard Madoff is being tried for fraud. A painting of Charles Ponzi hangs on one wall.

LAWYER
Young berny had a lemonade stand
Sold it by the pint and made a grand
People all said berny’s was the best bargain brand
What they didn’t know was that the sugar was sand

CHORUS
Oh Berny Berny
Earny Earny Earny’d way too much
Oh madoff
Made off with our money, pride and such
Oh Ponzi
We built a pyramid here for you
Oh Suckers

LAWYER
You say jump and they’re a kangaroo

CHORUS

We trust the rich too much

LAWYER
In college Berny had perfect A’s
Got his professors’ respect and praise
Sometimes though his papers were signed with Jose’s
Seems he’d hired immigrants to write his essays

CHORUS
Oh Berny Berny
Learny learny learn’d to make us fools
Oh Madoff
Mailed off all his cash gold and jewels
Oh Ponzi
We dug ourselves such a big money pit
Oh Suckers

KYRA SEDGEWICK & KEVIN BACON
Tell ‘us we’ll be rich and we’ll eat shit

CHORUS
We trust the rich too much

LAWYER
When Berny formed his first company
He invested cash for the bourgeoisie
Profits dropped like ripe fruit from a papaya tree
But funds came secretly from a bank robbery

CHORUS
Oh Berny Berny
Burndy Burndy Burned to be fat rich
Oh Madoff
Marked off next to our names: “Bitch”
Oh Scammers,
You’ll get our money any way you can
Oh Suckers,

J. EZRA MERKIN
They say you can’t scam an honest man

CHORUS
We trust the rich too much

LAWYER
Berny was the bearer of great trust
Juggled his bubbles with upward thrust
But the stock market crashed and all his balls went bust
That’s when the gold was revealed to be pyrite dust

CHORUS
We trust the richy richy richy way too too much

Original model for the Millenium Falcon

LAWYER
If a well-heeled savior
Says he can make you some dough
Do yourself a favor
And just say no!

CHORUS
Oh oh, just say no
Oh oh, just say no
If you savor the flavor of your dough
Do yourself a favor and just say no

The Nuclears’ debut full-length album!

The Nuclears are Maximum Rock & Roll.

$10 gets you the new album and helps them raise money to record it through kickstarter.

They are some awesome dudes, check it out:

Get yourself a copy here:

The Nuclears’ debut full-length album!

Creepy Weird Halloween: “Silly Symphony – The Skeleton Dance – 1929″

You have been diagnosed with Bonus Eruptus.

Some of the early Disney cartoons are just beautiful, are they not?

I wish Disney was not a copyright-mad megalomaniacal corporation, because it really has produced some beautiful work.

Today I bring you the first and best of the Silly Symphonies, “The Skeleton Dance”, from 1929. This was my favorite Halloween video as a child. My sister and my parents and I watched it once, wrapped up in popcorn smells and ABC Sunday night.

I remember the robot costume my Mom made me when I was five. It was blue and made of fabric and had red dials on the front. I loved that costume. Thanks, Mom.

This is Halloween. Creepy, weird, no doubt, but also the one night when we can be ourselves. We werewolves, vampires, cops and robbers. I was also a cop for Halloween in first grade, and my best friend was chained to my ankle. He was a robber. I was never happier.

Halloween is the only night we don’t wear masks.

Enjoy the dancing skeletons:

More Creepy Weird Halloween:

Star Wars representado con dibujos tradicionales mexicanos.

Rand Paul Curb Stomp

Creepy Weird Halloween: “Japan sea monster”

Closet Door Fail – Post #666!

Single Ladies Fail

Zalgo

Silly Symphony – The Skeleton Dance – 1929

F.A.T.A.L. Original Theme Song

Situation: Halloween – Where is my ghost?

Anything Can Happen on Halloween – Tim Curry

Gimme Pizza! – The Olsen Twins

Helping Johnny Remember – Ashleigh Nankivell

Creepy Weird Halloween: “Anything Can Happen on Halloween” – Tim Curry

All this month, I bring you weird and scary videos from the internets.

Tonight a truly terrifying tale of Woe wherein Tim Curry channels his best Bowie.

Tim Curry is the rich man's David Bowie.

Below the video, I do lyrical analysis and then I rewrite the song, but to start us out, a few lyrics from this gem:

Anything can happen on Halloween
Your dog could turn into a cat

This is the first thing they list after saying that any thing can happen. Here are a few other things these writers find astounding:

There may be a toad in your bass guitar
Your toenails grow long and your hair turns green
Your teacher could become a sardine

How uproariously astounding and wondrous those things are! Especially the toad in my bass guitar.

Imagine your shock at finding a toad in your bass guitar! It’s supernaturally terrifying! Only on Halloween, I guess!

Seriously, guys, toads aren’t that scary.

Seriously.

(keep scrolling)

Unless it's this guy! Bluh! Bluh! Got You!

Enjoy the video:

At about 2:15 we get to my favorite lines:

Anything can happen on Halloween
Your toenails grow long and your hair turns green
Your teacher could become a sardine
Your dentist could turn into a queen.
Has anybody seen my tambourine

Follow these lyrics. They start out making sense: nail growth and hair-dying are a little scary. The next one is a little wacky, but I would move that to the third line because jokes best come in threes.

Then we get to “Your dentist could turn into a queen.” I think this may actually have been a throwaway line for small girls, because this is a kids show, but with Tim Curry singing it, it becomes immediately subverted into something weirdly sexual.

Then the last line: it has nothing to do with anything. The songwriter just picked a funny word and declared the song finished, because either the writer is not talented or they don’t care about a crappy song in a kids show on HBO.

But Tim Curry sings it, you idiot. You could have Tim Curry sing a good song instead of a crappy one.

All the song writer has to rhyme “Halloween”. That’s easy! Rhymezone lists 410 rhymes for “Halloween”! You should be able to come up with good lyrics for that. Yet, this writer managed to do a terrible job.

My rewrite:

Anything can happen on Halloween
Drink a witch’s potion and your hair turns green
Your math teacher changes to an evil queen
The fridge becomes Frankenstein’s machine
Wolverine plays the tambourine

Yeah, it’s really not that much better. But I just love the image of Wolverine playing the tambourine so much.

Thanks to Lauryl Sulfate of Ninety Six Minutes for sending me this video! If you want to send me a video, become my friend on Facebook.

More Creepy Weird Halloween:

Creepy Weird Halloween: F.A.T.A.L. Original Theme Song

Situation: Halloween – Where is my ghost?

Anything Can Happen on Halloween – Tim Curry

Gimme Pizza! – The Olsen Twins

Helping Johnny Remember – Ashleigh Nankivell